User blog:WheatyTruffles/Story Time With Truffles - Broken Hearted
DISCLAIMER: Small amounts of crude content inbound. Also, please feel free to comment on whether you enjoyed this blog's content or not. Don't be afraid to be honest; it's my first time trying something like this, and I'd be openly willing to make more if you found it to be entertaining, or abstain from continuing if you didn't. ^_^ --- Hello, everyone. WheatyTruffles here to enlighten you all with a story from the personal archives of my gaming life. The date lies only a few months from today, back in August. The game is Kingdom Hearts, for the Playstation 2. Having bought this game, along with its sequel, with high expectations, I booted up the first title with a crooked smile on my face, excited for the messy yet awesome Disney X Squeenix hybrid of a game that awaited me. I dashed through the tutorial in an instant, picking choices that I can hardly remember. Oh, yeah, I picked the sword. That's the only one I'm sure about. Before I knew it, I had been located on a small island swarming with kids who Sora, my player character, must have considered to be "friends" at that time. However, Sora no longer had a will. I was Sora. And I despised these insolent brats. The first one I came across was the beach-bum who my observant brother in the background recognized as Wakka from Final Fantasy X. My RPG instincts entailed me to trigger a discussion with him, and he seemed like he wanted to fight me. Not being one to shy away from a challenge, I accepted. To put it flatly, this kid and his stupid ball destroyed me instantaneously. My cutscene of humiliating defeat showed Wakka with his hands on his hips, shouting out a jubilant "AAAYYE WEEEEEEEEEN~" I wouldn't give in. I fought him again and again. It turns out that you were supposed to whack his ball back at him with your weapon, but I could never get the freaking timing down. He would always pull some stupid trick out of his ass, always knock me flat, and always declare his victory afterwards. "AAAYYE WEEEEEEEEEN~" It was literal torture. I would whack the ball with my sword, and from either poor form or pure RNG nonsense, it would never be able to stun the kid. In the rage moments when I simply tried charging him, he would throw his ball a split second after avoiding my attack. You had to stun him, which was difficult judging by the fact that I was juggling more balls than a female pornstar; and with a lot less dignity. ...Eventually, though constant practice, I beat him. I closed my eyes and fist pumped the air, feeling the air of satisfaction flowing through my lungs. However, my troubles were far from over. There were still two more kids on the island. There was some girl with a whip, and a young Tidus, who I only recognized because of his laugh. Naturally, I had to challenge them as well. The whip girl was tricky, but in the end it came down to waiting for her charge attack and whacking the whip...with a sword. And stopping it. Logic. Tidus was a piece of cake. You just had to act like a b*tch and avoid his attacks until he raged at you, which then you'd whack the everliving crap out of him. I was feeling good...until I had a discussion with the fourth fighter on the island, and a more predominant character in the storyline than the others. Riku. This guy showed no mercy. His attacks were unpredictable and swift, he would constantly jump across the tiny patch of land that you would lose the match if you fell off, and he taunted more frequently than a Sonic player in Smash. I couldn't beat him, even with the skills I had accumulated from the previous three. But, that was undoubtably the worst part: losing. Unlike the other fighters, this dickhead actually kept the score between the two of you. When you lost, you were specifically reminded that the score was now 0-1. As the perfectionist I am, I couldn't handle this humiliation. I booted up a previous save file (luckily I've ingrained it within me to save often), and challenged him again, with the old 0-0 score intact. Of course, I lost. Again...and again. This couldn't happen. I challenged the others again, eventually unlocking the option to fight the three of them at once. Yeah, I mean it. Wakka, Tidus, and the rope girl (gaddemnit, I don't know her name, alright ;-;), all at the same time. And yet, this fight was still easier than the Riku battle. I actually managed to conquer it after a few attempts. I did that repeatedly until I had reached the level that allowed me to swallow as many hits as a small rhinoceros, and re-challenged Riku. The controller was sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy. Mom's spaghetti had probably gotten cold, seeing as I completely skipped dinner just to fight this stupid kid. Yet, beating him, and seeing the score tally to 1-0 made me feel like a king. I was the master of the island. ...At least until the next day. The following quest was about building a stupid raft to sail away from the island. Out of complete stupidity, Riku challenged Sora to a race. The victor would name the raft, secure a point in the old 1-0 tally, and to seal the deal, "share a Paopu Fruit with Kairi", with Kairi more or less being the female protagonist of the game. Of course, my perverted mind took this bet as totally getting to bang Kairi later on. Yes, I know that this is an E rated game, and that the characters were all, like, 14. But you get what I mean. Romance possibilities always increase with success when it comes to games. And I didn't want that stupid score to be 1-1, either. As you'd guess from me describing this bet in such enriching descriptiveness, Riku positively flattened me the first time around, along with the countless other times after that. As a wise philosopher once said, "you've gotta go fayst", and Riku took these words a bit too kindly to heart. That, along with the awkward jumping controls and positively abhorrent camera angles at crucial times, caused this challenge to require more attempts from me than my Purified MM. ...Okay, maybe not that much, but you get the gist. After a while, yes, I did win the challenge. The score was 2-0, and I didn't want a rematch with this stupid silver-haired brat in order to increase that number. He had tortured me enough. In conclusion, the game after this starting arc changed gears to a "reasonable challenge". You'd get troublesome moments, but none nearly as gruelling as the battles you had to endure in the beginning. If you don't mind me spoiling a small plot point in the game, everyone on the island ends up disappearing shortly after these events. I like to imagine that, having been tortured to the point of no return, Sora brutally murdered everyone in his sleep, all whilst yelling out the phrase "AAAYYE WEEEEEEEEEN~". I haven't got far enough in the game to see if these characters return, yet, but until that fateful moment, that's what I'm assuming. Because it's exactly what they deserve... *chuckles darkly* Category:Blog posts